My car -2, Pterodactyls +15

So, as we discussed this time last week…those “shall-not-be-named” eight-legged creatures had been inflicting some terror on my day-to-day life. And though the attacks seemed to have subsided – knock on wood – I’m beginning to think I’ve upset the balance of nature somewhere, some how. Let me explain.

I bought a newer car not that long ago because my Mazda’s transmission just stopped working. I’ve never been one to obsess about the cleanliness of its exterior or interior, mainly because of time – and as my mother would point out, my tendency to hoard – but because it still had the “new car” smell and look, I’ve been pretty good about maintaining that. Until last week.

Keeping a car clean takes work for anyone, I’ll admit. From bugs smashing into the windshield to loads of pollen polluting every surface it touches, in the spring and summer in Massachusetts, you’re going to find yourself hitting the car wash more often than not. And again, I’m realistic about trying not to be perfect with things, but if you’ll take a gander at the photo above, I hope you’ll experience just the same amount of shock I have.

I’ve had a bird do this on my car before, but nowhere nearly as bad as this. And what’s worse is that this was two consecutive days in a row. I didn’t go to the beach where several seagulls can be seen flying overhead. I wasn’t in a wooded area. I parked in the same open parking lot I always have and this was the results. When I was leaving work the first day, I shrugged it off a bit –yeah it was insanely disgusting as it ran the length of my door –but, those things can be cleaned. But by the second day, I was more than flabbergasted to see that not only had the revolting …stuff…returned, but it was even worse! Was this one bird? And if it was just one bird, what did it eat? Or better yet, what did it look like? Was it a pterodactyl-sized beast? Was there a pack of birds that I had treated badly just waiting until I left the car to plan a sideways assault? I still can’t answer that. But I will admit that as disgusted as I was by the sheer sight of this, I couldn’t stop laughing. It’s kind of impressive to achieve that kind of coverage on a white door. It was dripping down the entire length of the thing. I’m not saying that I’d like to invite that back to try again or anything, but still, you have to admit, that’s quite a feat…

After the back-to-back run-ins with creatures of the earth and now more recently of the sky, I’m wondering what a third round of car washing will bring…