Achieving financial health, acknowledging overall growth

It hasn't been a great week.

I'll write about it later, but for the time being, it's safe to say that I haven't been feeling like myself. My spirits have not been remotely upbeat. However, something happened this morning that changed that.

But first, it's important to know:

I have spent the majority of my life trying to prepare for things that haven't happened or could quite possibly happen. It sounds insane when I read it back to myself, but it's true. My defense mechanism is to prepare for all potential outcomes, so that I'm not caught off guard. Rationally, I know that I'm not a psychic or a mythical seer, and am in fact a human woman. Still, I hate feeling stupid. I don't like feeling weak. Sure, I can be wrong -- that happens all the time and I can admit that. But when it comes to my feelings, I do not like to be vulnerable or made to feel like they were of value only to be stomped on. I tend not to not live in the grey when it comes to my emotions. And it's exhausting.

That being said, I have been beating myself up over a number of things for several years now. Ever since I was old enough to pay my own bills, I was a stickler to pay them before they were due. My credit score in my 20s was killer. But after that particularly toxic relationship from several years ago, my financial health plummeted. I went from buying a house at 22 to having racked up a substantial amount of debt. In that relationship, I paid for everything. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. Whenever he needed new clothes for a new job -- which was more frequent than you'd think -- whenever he was mad at me and needed something not to freak out on me ... you name it. My credit cards were well into thousands of dollars of debt. Combine that with the increasingly baneful effect the relationship had on my self-esteem, life just sucked.

This morning though, amid being stuck at home and feeling a little isolated, I made the last payment on the debt that had accumulated in that relationship. I have been lucky to have people like my Mum, my friend Dani and a handful of others that have helped me build my financial health back up. It's gone. I'm not drowning in that financial plague anymore.

As I crunch the literal numbers as well as the emotional ones, I realize that I have overcome quite a bit. Maybe these days aren't supposed to be a time of wide celebration, but honestly, I am so proud of myself. I have picked up and moved across the country -- twice, traveled to Europe on my own and set and achieved so much since being saddled with that debt. And now, it's gone.