Room for a liar in my heart, home

Yeah, he didn't have cancer.

I didn't find that out, however, until much after.

When he returned to work, he was pale and light-headed and often agitated over all kinds of things. And like a fool, I defended him time and time and time and time again. I even pulled his boss aside and let her know what was happening. The truth is even more embarrassing. And as disgusting as I feel thinking about it, I can't accept it just yet.

The more and more we argued, the more he gained this power over me. He would tell me I was crazy. He'd slowly pick apart how I dressed. How I had my hair. My friends. When someone "liked" or commented on my photo on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, it meant I slept with them or was going to. And when that happened, I had to make him feel better and stroke his ego.

I found myself turning into every quality I mocked in characters in romantic comedies. I was fragile. I was insecure. I was needy. I had zero confidence and I was constantly checking up on him. He would hide his phone and run and hide when he'd take a call. He had pursued me and here I was cyber-stalking him to make sure he was where he said he was going to be.

What has happened to me?

I found myself having to prove over and over what a "good person" and girlfriend I was. I didn't think I was the one doing anything wrong, but each time I questioned him — about anything — there he was with a verbal assault. I was going to make it work because I wanted and needed to be good enough.

Naturally, the next step in our dysfunctional mistrust progression meant moving in together. And we did. That too, was quite the process. I moved to a city that was an hour away from my work. Together, we toured all kinds of apartments — there was no way in hell I was going to move in with his previous roommate. More on this later ...

In the end, it was my credit and my cash. It was around New Year's — in fact, on New Year's Day, we could move in.

Confession: I had never really been out with a date on New Year's Eve.

I was excited. I had a boyfriend that went out and this would be a great opportunity to ring in the New Year.

Be still my romcom-loving heart.

But it wasn't. In fact, it's a nightmare that I've never really talked about.