Wincing at a wedding

There are so many moments with him that I wish I could forget.

But if I had to rank them, Jen's wedding would be closer to the top.

One of my work colleagues, Jen, was getting married and I was really excited to share in her big day. And to have a date, a boyfriend of my own, I figured, would be the cherry to the love-filled day.

He, however, was pill-sick and had no intention of staying that way.

For those that don't know, pill-sick basically means that he needed a fix as his high was wearing off.

The day started off as planned. We both looked the part and my hair and makeup were definitely on point. Selfishly, I was feeling so much love for Jen, I wanted to share that love that I had for him with everyone around. Almost immediately following the outdoor ceremony, he started to nitpick. He was cold. Then he was hot. Then he was hungry. And so on.

Inside was my worst nightmare come to life.

As a reporter, you have to cultivate relationships with all kinds. For many of us, it's not uncommon to have a dozen or so public safety contacts in our phones. So, to be sat at a table full of law enforcement wouldn't be out of the ordinary or unwelcome, unless, of course, you're dating a drug addict that could make a scene.

I knew a good handful of the officers that were sat beside us in some capacity or another, but he didn't. I did my best to introduce everyone and he immediately threw a shade of jackass, complete with mocking voices and faces.

Francis, husband to one of my friends, struck up conversation with me. It was a nice distraction for a while. He squirmed beside me, chiming in with obnoxious feedback in between breaths. At the time, I didn't realize how apparent it was that he was pill-sick. When Francis headed up to the bar, he offered to buy me a drink. I requested a Sprite only. Beside me, he was infuriated that he was not offered anything. To him, this meant I was clearly sleeping with this Francis. He was already angry that we had spent so much time there already, despite the fact that the bride and groom had not yet returned. He called me names loudly under his breath. I'm grateful that the rest of the table had been temporarily distracted, so that I could collect my composure and dab the corners of my eyes.

While waiting for Francis to come back, he began pinching and slapping me. For the most part, his actions were hidden under the tablecloth. I winced. I pursed my lips and forced them out, demanding that they refrain from quivering. A rogue tear streaked my cheek and the female detective that sat diagonally across from me took note of it. I quickly turned out a smile that popped my dimple.

"Such a beautiful wedding, right?" I said, convincing myself.

"Oh definitely," she said, making direct eye contact and then darting narrowed eyes over at him.

I know she knew. That alone was devastating. I didn't want anyone to know how hard it was for him to love me. I looked the part. Why couldn't he just love me like I want, just this once?

After the prime rib was served, he'd had about enough. He whispered in my ear that he was going to take off, which quickly accelerated into threats of much more if we didn't pack up and go immediately. That was enough for me.

"Please let me at least say goodbye. I haven't even gotten to congratulate them," I whispered.

He rolled his eyes and started to usher me out.

"It was great meeting and seeing you all," I said to the table, who were all surprised by our quick departure. "We've got an appointment I forgot all about."

"What's open now?" Francis asked, looking over at him.

"Oh, um, we have an appointment with his family. I meant, we're supposed to meet with his family," I said, noting how bad of a liar I am.

Francis shook his hand and gave me a hug as we exited.

When we went to greet and say goodbye to Jen and John, they both tried to stop us from leaving. I was so happy for them and wanted to enjoy in the festivities, but I wasn't about to push it with him.

I told Jen how beautiful she was and hugged them both goodbye, justifying our reason for leaving. The newlyweds responded with disappointed looks and I made eye contact with John and somehow, I felt like he understood.

When we got out to my car, he responded with hurtful things, things that I have blocked out. What I do remember is how he told me it was my fault that he was going to do what happened next: buy pills.