I'm related to everyone and trying to understand what it means to be in and from a big family

Growing up, there was always family around. Like. Always. No, seriously.

Go to the store: see a cousin. Church: another cousin.

At school, when it came time to check attendance, teachers would stop and take a few extra minutes to ask if I was related to so-and-so and then pause to share a few stories, because, inevitably, there was a relative that had made their mark with mischief.

And then there was meeting family that I didn't know existed. I can remember visiting a new doctor and the nurse that assisted was going through my charts and inquired about my lineage. Come to find out, she was related as well. I can't remember her name or the exact connection, but she was some kind of cousin. This discovering-new-relatives thing happened more times than I care to admit.

When updating my friends about weekly activities, I learned that these experiences might not be as common for others as I imagined they were. Most of my friends could name all of their cousins in less than a minute, if called to task. Similarly, I could also recite the names of my closest friends' relatives. But naming my family members ... that's something that usually involves a chart of some kind. Even boyfriends that tried really hard couldn't get past 10, but then again ... even those of us who share the same blood have struggled with that endeavor. In fact, one of my nephews, Joshua, took a notebook along for one visit to try and keep it all straight.

As for family gatherings, we could take over an entire dining room in a restaurant if just a few of the uncles went out for breakfast. But I digress.

All that time together aside, I don't know that I really connected with many of my relatives on my father's side. Let me explain.

From my perspective, getting together as a family was something we did simply because we were a big family. The impetus felt like more of a duty rather than a want.

When you were issued a message notifying you that a relative was in town or at a nearby restaurant, you went. It's just what you do. When someone asks why, the answer is always: it's family.

Death in particular is another thing that's really different if you're in a big family. When someone passes away, my cell phone will ring extremely early in the morning or really late at night from a relative I don't hear from often. It doesn't matter if the person that passed was someone you don't get along with, you're still going to be notified. For the most part, most of the older generation will do whatever they can to show their respects, despite whatever feud is ongoing, because, it's family.

Out of all of us, my youngest brother and I have probably spent the most time, individually, with each of the sets of families within our giant family as many of the aunts and uncles looked after us. But looking back, I'm not sure we knew each other all that well. And that isn't to say it wouldn't be difficult to get close to nearly a village of people, but when part of your identity includes being part of a big family, understanding who you are and what you are in that can be really challenging.

Again, I'm not criticizing how my relatives do it because I'm sure it looks different to them as well. And for those that have seen that TLC show with the husband and wife with 17 or 18 kids, for the record, it's not like that at all. Schedules alone can keep family apart.

As an aunt now with several nieces and nephews, including one great-nephew, I try really hard to not only put in time, but give time. I don't want to wait until someone is sick or dying to call or check in. I want to call up and ask how Joshua's job hunt is going. I want to grab dinner with Christopher just because. I want to go to Tiana's dress fitting for her wedding. Because for me, it's not my duty to be their aunt, or sister to their parents. It's something I want to do. I don't want to just have family, I want to be a part of my family.