Strength in numbers and my cousin the closet badass, part 2

I managed to pull myself together once we stopped and I could get change my clothes.

After brushing my teeth and throwing on a fresh coat of makeup, I decided to deal with it in a really healthy and rational way: I pretended it wasn't happening.

That afternoon, Jenny, Barbara and I explored the area and met up with Camie and Aunt Donna. In those 12 hours on the road, we had started to develop a bond that I can't say I really had before this trip. Jenny promised that if things ever got too much for me, we could leave. The gesture alone made me feel more prepared.

During lunch, Camie and Aunt Donna brought that level of comfort to a new level. I began writing a list of some of the comments that were made because they were so honest and they were so funny. I didn't feel uncomfortable or afraid to be myself. And it was apparent that we were all a little nervous to be around the family. Aunt Donna even developed a sign to alert one of us that it was time to go, which will never ever be revealed due to the terms established with our new posse.

Jenny also set up a stay for all us at the beach. As if the day hadn't been wonderful enough, the ocean was a few steps outside the door. The first night, we stayed up talking and eating crap.

The next morning was the day of the party. As we sipped our coffee, I mentioned to Jenny that I really wanted to go for a walk on the beach, so she rallied the troops and off we went.

Let's be honest: every family has secrets. Mine may have more purely because there are so many people. That being said, I've heard stories and gossip here and there, but much my work persona, I'm fueled by curiosity and feel compelled to go to the source to verify. I had a question that I wanted to ask each of my cousins, so during the weekend, I asked my questions. The worst that could happen is they don't answer. But they did answer. They shared what they felt without any reservations.

And Jenny, the badass, showed how strong she's been. She lost her mother (my aunt that I never had the pleasure to meet) when she was just a teenager. She was vulnerable. And she broke down. I always enjoyed being around Jenny, but I think for the first time, I really got to know her. I appreciate that time more than she'll ever know.

I went into the party that evening feeling really comfortable and excited to get to know more of my family - like really really.

As the weekend was coming to an end, that fear of someone not believing me rang true. And it hurt equally as badly as I'd imagined. A few years ago, I lost my relationship with [what I thought was] my closest cousin for not believing me. She and I haven't spoken in years. The last thing she wrote to me was "I can understand why he acts the way he does with how you treat him (your father)." I had become the bad guy. She doesn't know the truth. She and many others don't know that the last time, prior to this trip, that my father saw me, he threw something at me. But what I've learned from this experience, and Jenny the badass, is that I don't have to prove it to anyone anymore. I don't have to have family in my life just because we share the same blood. And I do have a family that I can talk to, just because.

Oh, and PS - Jenny listened to emo music as well as thug music on the way back. She also indulged in Lonely Island's "I Just Had Sex," "Jizz In My Pants," and "Dick In A Box."

Jenny: you're a badass. Never forget it.